Herding the kiddies

So I attended my first kids birthday party with my little girl at the weekend there. Now bear in mind that she's not actually mine and I'm no longer in a relationship with her mother so it makes it kind of difficult to answer certain questions. The party was for one of the kids in her nursery and it was quite a bit away from my flat. So my folks came and picked up my son whilst I rushed like a about like a mad rabbit to get everything organised and find out where the place was.

What can I say but the information on the website let me down as the street they said the soft-play area was on wasn't the right street and I was driving up and down it a few times frantically looking for it whilst my little angel was repeating that we'd be late for the party. After deciding to pull into a side street to park and ask someone who didn't look like they'd just suck the cap off a bottle of buckfast, I was amazed to see the place right next to an industrial estate-lookin' place. I kid you not, there was an Alsatian on patrol at the end who watched me reverse away from it!

The place was heaving inside with about two or three different parties going on. I didn't know anyone there as I hadn't had a chance to pop into her nursery due to being in Glasgow most of the time so I wandered over to the area where I was told our group were partying. It was mum central with the ratio of mums to dads being somewhere in the 20:1 region and one of them pounced on me saying hi to my little girl. We "signed in" and then with a flash, her shoes were off and she was rampaging about the soft-play. I really wanted to join her as I've always had fun mucking about in soft-play with her but there were many, many, MANY, signs strictly forbidding adults to enter.

I discovered something about parents - they tend to have little cliquey groups where they discuss houses and scandal and house scandals. I received smiles from people I passed but no real invitations to join in the conversation and whilst I'm comfortable blabbing away to people, I'm not too good and bursting in and putting my nose where it's not wanted.. especially with people who feast on gossip and my situation is a succulent four course meal.

Alas my little darling did the one thing I had hoped and prayed she wouldn't do - she poo'd herself and I hadn't put a nappy on her because we were in the toilet training phase. I was so disappointed because we had gone over about asking me to go to the toilet when she needed countless times and she had always replied the same answer which is just, simple rote learning. So I changed her into clothes and went back to my coke sipping.

Then came time for her meal and all the kids were herded into a little room with little tables and little chairs but BIG forks and BIG knives.. nice. I think I came across as a bit imposing as I stayed in there to cut her food up and make sure she was okay without me. There were quite a few mums doing the same thing but I was the only guy - wish I had the visual impressiveness of vin diesel from the babysitter or babyshitter or shitmovievin but nah.. I'm never gonna pull that off.

I got back to my table to see this orange-tanned mum sitting in my chair reading a hello magazine. I should point out that my coat was across the back of the chair, my cup was still in front of it and I had a couple of bags beside it on the floor yet still, she chose to sit there. I approached and she smiled. I went to take my coat off the back of MY chair when she went "oh.. I'm really sorry, I didn't know anyone was sitting here"

What? What the hell? MARIA!! I'm not even going to explain that one because it should be plainly obvious to everyone why I'm astounded :p

Anyway, my little girl came away happy and with a bag of goodies and I came away hungry and with a bag of poo covered clothes.

The complex baby

I don't think I'll ever understand how a baby's body works? I know routine's an important thing to a baby (heck, to us all) and so I know that my boy takes a feed about half seven and then falls asleep right after that 'til about six-ish in the morning (sometimes even seven!) But the other night I was forced to give him a bottle just after six in the evening (he pointed a gun at my head and called me a "dame") and half-way through the bottle he fell asleep. Totally out for the count!

That was him 'til five in the morning (which woulda been six had the clocks not went back) and since I was totally knackered, I brought him into my room to sleep beside me. This he managed 'til seven! So half a bottle will do him over twelve hours and a full bottle will keep him for about ten hours - eh?

Confusing.

But not as eye-openingly disturbing as when I played with my little girl (she's two and a half) this afternoon. She was on her bed playing with her My Little Ponies, so I picked one up and started playing with her which she absolutely loved. Then she turns to me and goes "let's play bash and scream!" and starts banging her pony into mine :o

Bash and scream with my little pony :$