A routine is healthy.. for adults

* It's half two in the morning and you're woken up with the sound of your son mumbling and thrashing his legs about which is making a helluva noise.

* You know to resist the urge to get up and make him a feed up but it's hard because he's fussing and starting to suck on his arm.

* You're awake for what seems like a Thundercat year (much longer than a convential year) listening to him faff about.

* Eventually all is quiet as he falls asleep and you try and follow suit.

* It's quarter past five in the morning now and you hear him starting up again although this time he's a bit more frantic and desperate in his thrashing.

* Again you try and hold off going through to make his feed knowing he could fall asleep again.

* But no, it's not going to happen and so you get up at half five and stagger through to the kitchen.

* You take a feed out of the fridge and drop it in the bottle warmer.

* You take the opportunity to have a piss (in the bathroom obviously)

* The bottle's ready and so you take it back through to your room with a bib.

* You go to pick up your son and instantly you can smell poo (at what age does poo become shit?).

* Knowing he'll never get back to sleep with a totally filthy nappy and that him sitting on your knee will only mash it into every crevice known to man, you make an executive decision (poor Steven Seagal) to change his nappy.

* You take him through to the livingroom where you dim the lights so as not to totally blind him and yourself for that matter.

* You have a nappy ready.

* You have several baby wipes ready.

* You open up his nappy and see a new style of poo (you have no idea of how many variants there are).

* It's vile, stinking worse than anything and he's smiling away at you.

* You start wiping it off his bum but your dexterity fails you (as you've just woken up) and a chunk of greeny/yellowy/black poo lands on your finger and the smell just chokes you close to vomitting.

* You reach into the babywipe packet with your free hand (the other one is holding his legs up) and try to pull one free but end up grabbing all of them.

* Panic sets in as you realise you're gonna struggle to get anymore babywipes without letting your son's legs go and fall into the goop.

* But you manage because you're ace and well practiced in night changes.

* With him clean, you take him back to your room to feed (not on him obviously)

* He chokes down the milk sending it all over the place but you barely notice just how milky you're becoming because you're still only half-awake.

* You finish and try to burp him but he's fast asleep with his head hanging between your index finger and thumb.

* He kinda burps which is good enough for you and so you put him down into his cot where he magically wakes up again and start fussing as if he's never been fed in the first place.

* You leave him to it and know you've only got a few hours before he wakes you up again.

* He wakes you up at seven and you decide you're not gonna get anymore sleep that morning so you get up and go to pick him up.

* He looks up at you and suddenly bursts into the biggest smile you've seen in a long time and you realise that all the crap you wade through and all the sleep you lose is worth it without a doubt.